Hi

I really despise messages that just say, “hi”. It is not because I am too busy to be bothered, or I am arrogant enough to feel my time is better spent with other tasks instead of responding in kind. It is simply fucking irritating because there is a reason for contacting me. When it is a Twitter DM it is usually a short conversation followed with a dick pic. Don’t get me wrong, I love dick. I enjoy the sight of dick. I do not find it offensive to see dick. What I find offensive is that you started it with “hi”. Although, I suppose that is better than just sending the picture because that would inevitably send me into a rant that you would never recover from. And, it is usually for a private session on Skype. That I understand. That I accept. That I am okay with. It is the way the conversation begins. I feel like responding with, “could we just skip the five minutes of niceties and get to the point of why you are contacting me today?”